Have You Been Cuffed Yet?

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Have you cuffed or been cuffed for "Cuffin Season" yet? As we all know Cuffin Season ends on November 1st and as we enter the last few days of October we start to enter crunch time for that last minute season pick. For those that are not familiar "Cuffin Season" it is the time when many people in the Midwest and on the east coast find someone to be with during the winter season. The mindset is to have someone that you can "cuddle" with on those cold nights. Many people that end up in a relationship during this season end up single soon as the weather turns warm. I have viewed many websites that have discussed what "Cuffin Season" is but none of them actually went to the extent to explain how the "Draft" works. I recently sat down with one of my close friends R.O.B (@therealR_O_B) and I asked the question: "how do some guys pick that girl to be with during cuffin season "?

For the first time ever I received a very true answer that I wanted to share with you all.

The Analogy

During the choosing process there are always at least two main choices to remember girl A and girl B. Girl A is the one that cooks, has no drama, owns her own house or car, has a degree or is in school, has goals, and has a good job. Girl A is the one that all the rap/love songs describe how a real woman should be (the ones that they truly want). Girl B doesn't cook, always has drama, emotionally dependent, receives housing assistance, has no real goals in life, and she may not have a job.

When the choices are that obvious for most men it is still hard to decide. The major deciding factor can come down to the finances. He may have asked Girl A to buy him something but at the time she couldn't because she had to take care of her responsibilities such as paying her rent/mortgage. He asks Girl B for the same item and she purchases it because she has the disposable income because her rent is only $20. The man will put up with all the drama and nagging with Girl B because she will spoil him because she doesn't have any real financial responsibilities. It doesn't mean that he doesn't really like Girl A. He can be with Girl B and still want Girl A. If Girl A was to call and say that she purchased the item he would leave Girl B for Girl A and never look back. If he was an adult materialistic items would not compare to the positive characteristics of a real woman.

I know that some you reading this will disagree on this analogy but if you really think about it how many times were you seeing someone and they told you that it wasn't working and they ended up with someone that you didn't feel even matched your characteristics by a long shot. Some may write it off based on the sexual relationship which can play a part sometimes but we question it when they call to sleep with you again. Now to be fair there is nothing wrong with someone that is getting house assistance. The only problem is when you are not using it wisely. If you rent is only $20 you should be saving any extra that you make to better yourself. If you are using the extra income that you have to go out and party or buy designer clothing then that is when it becomes a problem. However that can make someone else more appealing for some that are looking for a financial gain.

The saying is true:
People come into your life fora Reason a Season or a Lifetime.

When you know which one it is,you will know what to do for that person.When someone is in your life for a REASON,it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.They have come to assist you through a difficulty,to provide you with guidance and support,to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.They may seem like a godsend and they are.They are there for the reason you need them to be.Then,without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.What we must realize is that our need has been met,our desire fulfilled, their work is done.The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.They may teach you something you have never done.They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.Believe it, it is real.But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons,things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.Your job is to accept the lesson,love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant

Cuffin Season Part 2

Celibacy Part Two

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On October 1st I entered my tenth month of celibacy and I will admit I am more frustrated than ever. So you may be asking yourself "why are you celibate"? Simple "I am looking for a monogamous relationship"! I want to be with someone that I can be totally uninhibited with sexually. I can't be that way with someone that I am just having casual sex with. I will admit that I am possessive and that I am more aroused when I am the only one making you feel some kind of way. Until I can find that special someone I rather remain celibate because just having casual sex no longer satisfies me anymore. Recently one of my close friends asked me some interesting questions about me being celibate.

What is it like to be celibate? I am ten months in and I am going to be very truthful when I say that I have been very stressed and frustrated. I haven’t even used any toys to release any sexual tension.

What do you do when you become aroused? Food has become my best friend. I crave anything rich and flavorful. I new eating habits have caused me to go through puberty again because I have developed and serious case of acne. I try not to watch anything that involves a lot of sexual content to avoid any sexual thoughts.

How did you manage to last this long? This first month was easy because I had the flu and once I got over that I caught a cold. There aren't that many people lined up to sleep with you when you are sick. The next couple of months were fine the stress and frustration did start to show until six months in. I became moody and that's when my late night food cravings began. I didn't devolope acne until month eight and it didn't get worst until month nine. I seem to finally have the acne and my eating habits back under control. My want and need to have sex seems to be fading away.

What happened to the last guy? I didn't choose to be celibate because of a man. There was no failed relationship or heartbreak that led me to this decision. As for the last guy somethings aren't meant to last I guess. The only thing about being celibate is dating. Its hard to tell if someone dating you for you are just to see if they can be the first one to sleep with you.

As I stated in part one being celibate is not easy. It is not only a mental but physical challenge as well. Whatever your reason for choosing to be celibate please remember that it is worth it

Check out this video out:


Let's Talk About Love: Santa Monica Ep. 1 from Trillvision on Vimeo.

Celibacy Part One

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The complete freedom from all kinds of sexual thoughts and wishes is known as celibacy. It is defined as a complete and the total control of all senses in thoughts, words, and deeds. Celibacy is not just bachelorhood, but a strict abstinence from sexual intercourse, auto-erotic manifestations, masturbation, homosexual acts and all pervert sexual practices. There are many different reasons why some people practice celibacy. Some of these reasons include: Religious belief, focus on one's career, an attempt to gain a sense of self and independence from others, to avoiding being emotionally hurt, or the lack of a sexual appetite. According to the basics of celibacy semen is the essence of life and should not be wasted if one wants to stay healthy. The many benefits of celibacy include:

Social benefits: People who practice celibacy can socialize with and get involved in dating with people of opposite sex without having any pressures and discomfort of negotiating with them for sex.

Prevents pregnancy: Getting involved in sexual acts with the opposite sex results in unexpected and unwanted pregnancies.

Natural protection against diseases: Unprotected or unsafe sex results in the occurrence of many sexually transmitted diseases like AIDS. Even after using artificial contraceptives like condoms transmission of these diseases occurs because of failure of these contraceptives.

Success in marriage Keeping strictly away from sex until marriage, helps in bringing success to married life. Studies have revealed that people who enjoy sex before marriage are at a greater risk of keeping their partners dissatisfied and getting divorced.

Teaches unconditional love Maintaining celibacy helps a person to learn to love unconditionally than just lust. Relationships that are based on lust often end up in failure. This is because lust that holds them together soon subsides leaving behind a stream of emptiness. Relationships that are based on love and affection are concerned with the inner person than outer appearances and are permanent.

Builds a stronger relationship Sex interferes with the essence of any relationship. Many couples blame sex to be the major cause of breaking their otherwise healthy relationships. Partners stopped knowing each other as most of their time went away in focusing on sex.

Prevents depression Failure in sexual relationship brings heartbreak, anger, regret, feeling of being worthless and emotional turmoil to both the partners.

Practicing celibacy does not cause any danger and disease to the human body. Being Celibate is not easy especially if you are just starting out. Being celibate does not mean going without sex for just a month. It is something that you have to be willing to do mentally and physically. There are side effects to being celibate which includes excessive hunger, anger, sleepless nights, and acne. I will admit that this is not for everyone and yes I have tried this myself. Stay tuned for part two of Celibacy as I give you detailed information of what its like to be Celibate.

Celibacy Part 2

Reflections & Confessions of the HEART

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What is LOVE?...... Is LOVE truly unconditional?...... Is LOVE truly blind or do we simply put on the "shades"?.....Why do we tend to hurt those who love us most?........Why isn't LOVE EASY or is it supposed to be, when its RIGHT? Or does it take WORK? When does ones mistake out weigh the mistakes of another?

These are some questions that I have been forced to ask my HEART lately and to be honest I am no more closer to finding an answer than I was the day I decided to leave....

I simply bottled my feelings up, placed a band-aid over my heart, and shelved another broken heart on aisle 9 next to the bottle of HURT, PAIN & DISAPPOINTMENT.

Is it so hard to ask for someone to love and cherish you like you know you deserve and that you have given whole heartily...or must one be taught? Is it unfair to assume that another person should know the value of TRUE LOVE? or is that learned, one heart break after another; wither you are the one who is doing the heart breaking or the one who is standing by and having your heart broken?

Can a heart be mended after some time of healing....or does that bond that should have been cherished unrepairable...?

I have pondered that very question over and over again to the point that I have almost felt as though I may loose my sanity. I know the value of LOVE and I know how much of a precious gift LOVE is....and I know what it means to have someone betray that trust...

I have laid under the covers...hidden from the world, locked away and have even told myself that I would never love again in FEAR that my HEART would be broken once again by another.

I have found myself back to an all to familiar place - MISTRUST....DISAPPOINTMENT.....tainted LOVE...all because of anothers actions and failure to protect and cherish the gift that I decided to share with them.

In my wisdom I have learned that despite all the hurt that one can take you through, you don't stop loving or caring for them....its just not that easy to walk away when its real....especially when you feel as if you have given your all to someone. It hurts to think that the dreams and bond you wanted to share with that one person is torn away from a single or multiple nights of unfaithfulness, lies and deceit.

When I look at you I become angry because of all the lies you told and hurt you caused me...but there is a part of me that misses the way that only you could hold me, fond memories that only we will share and secrets that the only the 2 of us know.....Is it fair to say in time a person deserves a second - third - fourth of fifth chance? Is it simply human nature to hurt the things we love....is it really that hard to decide that what you have isn't worth a one night nut buster of joy and sexual fulfillment...?

What happens when you feel torn? - on one hand do I stay with the one who has been there through many of my own personal ups an downs, who supports my dreams like no other has before as if they were their own dreams and goals and was able to admit their wrong doings despite the possibility of loosing me, because truth be told I would have never known what they had done or....on the other hand do you allow that one you gave your all to come back in your life, the one you called your TRUE LOVE - the one who knows you so well - who was able to lie - cheat - and disrespect what the two of you shared even when being caught "red handed"....??? Or do you simply say FUCK u both and as Jay Z says; "On to the next one"?

When do you let go of all that hurt & pain and simply say enough is enough?

These are the reflections and confessions of my heart .....of my past - present and possibly my future.
These are the thoughts I take with me on a daily.....these are the things that I ponder at night.....these are the reflections and confessions of my heart.

Signed,

Not a poet but simply the whispers of a broken heart.

I AM THE WIFE YOU B!T@H!!

  
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I am the wife most likely referred to as the “Bitch of a Wife” by the Married man and The Other Woman. I am sure that he calls me other names as well. They may even have a pet name that they both call me. I have some names that I call the both of them too like: Gutter Troll, Ego Maniac, Man Child, Side Piece, Side Ho, Strumpet, and Crumb-snatcher. I am not here to name call so I'll move on. For the sake of simplicity I will use initials as I refer to us. I will keep “BITCH OF A WIFE” for me, “MY MAN” for married man and “THE OTHER WOMAN” for the other woman.

Dear “THE OTHER WOMAN”,

I am the centerpiece placed proudly upon the bountiful table that “MY MAN” and I have set. I am surrounded by our children, memories, career, home, our life. You stand off to the side, like an indentured servant, you are not ALL ”Other Woman” ED to eat at the table. You must stay at a distance, mouth watering, hoping for a crumb to drop so you can hit your knees and go for it. The holidays and all their bounty are reserved for me and mine. ”THE OTHER WOMAN” only gets the leftovers. For an example ”MY MAN” comes to you a day/days after Thanksgiving, like the left over turkey he is, and feeds you the scraps from his crotch.

You think it's a big deal that he wants to f*k you (oopsies her word not mine) but has to make love to me. He fucks me .sexes me too, during the lovemaking. “THE OTHER WOMAN” inferred that I couldn't compete with her in the sexual arena. I DON'T HAVE TO. I won before you even came on the scene. I have the title of “Mrs. Him” and regally wear the CR ”Other Woman” N of Virtue. “MY MAN” KN ”Other Woman” S it too but plays mind games with you, prompting you to compete in a bogus competition with me. “MY MAN” is a self serving ego maniac and he gets his best work out of you that way. “THE OTHER WOMAN” gets conned into doing all the crap that “BITCH OF A WIFE” doesn't have the time, mind or stomach to do. “THE OTHER WOMAN” is required to do the things that “MY MAN” doesn't ask his ”BITCH OF A WIFE” for out of respect for her. “MY MAN” and BW have 'to do' lists, 'Honey Do' lists and a shit list. You, dear “OTHER WOMAN”, have been assigned the shit list. So go ahead and sex him. Fuck him until he is too tired to whine, piss and moan when he gets home to me. Work him until he is all chipper because then he is helpful around the house, playful with the kids and brings me great guilt gifts. Here's a morsel for you and him. You are really my side hoe/handmaiden. “MY MAN” is your Sweet Daddy, huh? That make's you MO ”My Man” Y's little helper. The “BITCH OF A WIFE” is not your average wife. ”BITCH OF A WIFE” KN ”Other Woman” S that you exist, lets you stay and play and to pick up her slack.

You think that ”BITCH OF A WIFE” just can't find you. You think that ”MY MAN” has you hidden from me? Please know that “MY MAN” only has you thinly veiled for his “Other Woman” N purposes. He leaves me clues to get caught, but we'll get to that later. “BITCH OF A WIFE” is too busy living and maintaining their life and enjoying the fruits of his labor. Your statement about you and me not traveling in the same circle is so true. You are circling with the other gold digging buzzards waiting for someone's relationship to die... Like all of Tiger Wood's little tigresses that are coming out of the 'Wood works' ”THE OTHER WOMAN”'s feast on the remains because you are either too lazy or too weak to take on the challenge of getting a real live relationship of your “Other Woman” N. “MY MAN” is aware of your weakness so he plays dead, then preys on You. When he does “DO NOT” call my house ranting and crying or send me anonymous letters and crap. Call a therapist. I will deal only with “MY MAN”, not for cheating, but for being sloppy. by leaving clues to give you and me access to each other to cause a fight to end the relationship with you. I admire Elin Woods for H ”Other Woman” she handled her situation. I am sure that she was aware that he was cheating, it comes with the Professional Athlete marriage package, but N ”Other Woman” he has embarrassed her and the “cubs”. She hasn't said anything to the tigresses that taunt and mock her, she dealt with her man, Cheetah, I mean...Tiger. I am not supporting domestic violence as I applaud her golf club swinging. I am simply supporting the sport of Women's Golf. Again, so you say you "can get it up" for him too. Lil girl, I am the mainline as you called me. Not only can I get him up, keep him up but I can "hold it D ”Other Woman” N for him. I am his anchor. The life we built is the solid, grounded, safe structure that shelters him in the storms of life. It is the structure from which he leaps and springs “The Other Woman” ARDS you when he wants a recess break and when it is over he then runs back home.

He is a whining man ”MY MAN” is with a “BITCH OF A WIFE”, and he likes it that way. Men, like him have MO ”My Man” Y issues. They provoke their wives to act more like angry mom's than wives. These men like “Bitch moms”. They say they do not, but they do. These men only feel safe and comfortable with a “BITCH OF A WIFE”. It's been 5, 10, 15, 20 years or more and he is still with her. Trust me it ain't for the kids or house. He's a lying wonder if he told you that. “MY MAN” tells “THE OTHER WOMAN” that he hates “BITCH OF A WIFE” and exclaims that “THE OTHER WOMAN” is much sweeter, compassionate, understanding and more beautiful and blah frickidy blah. He tells “THE OTHER WOMAN” that to keep her from demanding or asking anything for herself in the relationship. “THE OTHER WOMAN” must suffer silently and do it in stilettos, make up and a perfect do. “BITCH OF A WIFE” can say what she wants, H ”Other Woman” ever she wants and look raggedy doing it because she pays the cost to be the boss . If he calls me with some excuse to go out and play with you and my answer is, "No! Bring your ass home, N ”Other Woman”", he does. If he doesn't answer the phone when I call while he's in the room with you, it's not to spare your feelings. “MY MAN” does that to spare his ego. “MY MAN” doesn't want you to see him C ”Other Woman” ERING or hear him begging or whining. He's like a rebellious kid not answering it because he KN ”Other Woman” S I'm calling him home, it is time to come in. If I tell him to come N ”Other Woman” and he doesn't, we both KN ”Other Woman” I will come looking for his monkey ass or that there will be hell to pay when he finally does get in. “MY MAN” needs to keep up a brave front for you to preserve the fantasy that he has balls. “The Other Woman” gets to hold his 'member' and tickle his fancy. I have the keys to his heart, secrets, fears and strength. I have his wallet, checkbook AND his balls. Next time you're on your knees, crumb snatching, look for 'em if ya don't believe me. As you were ending your letter you claimed that "the affair would end when you were done with the thrill", correction. Our life is the structure from which he leaps “The Other Woman” ARDS you attached by a bunji cord plunging into an affair. “MY MAN” bounces up and D ”Other Woman” N back and forth between “BITCH OF A WIFE” and “THE OTHER WOMAN”. After the thrill is gone for him or I no longer have use for you, it is over. He will hang out for awhile bouncing and swaying less and less. I will let him dangle giving him time to see his fool hardiness then I reel him in SL ”Other Woman” LY. By giving him time to let the blood rush back into his head it will dawn on him that he could possibly have lost me. He begins to think about what would have happened if the cord had snapped on the way D ”Other Woman” N. What if it snapped on the way back? I am starting to feel a little like Angela Bassett in 'Waiting to Exhale' and 'What's love got to do with it'. I,”BITCH OF A WIFE”, used to be his passion, light hearted, carefree and blah, blah, frikedy, blah too. The unhealthy dynamics this of marriage and pressure of being married to a selfish, reckless, man-child has taken its toll on me. Bitches are not born, they are man made and cultivated. We are born to be a cherished, protected, beloved CR ”Other Woman” NING glory to mankind known as a WOMAN. When women are made to earn every sliver of love and not taught our true worth, we become super women. When we are broken and marred by the cruelty of those entrusted to love us, and tire of the endless bullshit, we enter into survival mode an morph into BITCHES or lay D ”Other Woman” N and become “THE OTHER WOMAN” or worse.

“OTHER WOMAN” get a clue, get off you knees, get a life and get gone. Sincerely,

“BITCH OF A WIFE” Smooches Bitches!

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This blog is a holla' back at the, 'I AM THE OTHER WOMAN', story I read on mentallyorgasmic.com. Her story, the Tiger Woods and “Woodrats” saga, and Jon and Kate plus Hailey plus Deanna inspired me to do this piece. It is not a verbal chic fight but a representation from the other camp. Like her story my character is a fictional compilation of several women.

I Am The Other Woman